Monday, September 24, 2012

Some Basic Rules on Hugging

Due to the amount of reading law school demands of its prisoners, I, being one of the prisoners of Malcolm Hall, have insanely allotted most of my reading time reading cases, codals, annotations and whatnots. Because of this and my insanely-getting-shorter-as-I-become-older attention span, I have considered browsing websites and links to articles appearing on my Facebook News Feed and "reading" Thought Catalog articles as "reading for pleasure".

It is my fervent wish--a dream, even--to have one of my essays, or ramblings, posted on the Thought Catalog site. That and meeting Rich Alvarez in person would be the top 2 things on my "After These Things Happen I Can Die Peacefully" list, if I have one. Passing the bar exams and being a lawyer, obviously, is not part of the list because why would I be peaceful after I've endured five years (god forbid, not more) of law school only to die without being able to enjoy being a lawyer!

Anyway, one of the articles that gave me that "Eureka!" feeling as if someone had read my mind and wrote about it, was this article on hugs. I was so amazed by it that I felt I had to write something about hugs, too. This, for me, is a long overdue piece of crap.

These are Mr. Weatherhead's questions about hugs and my answers...well sort of.

What are they? Are they important?

A hug is an action whereby one person completely invades another person's personal space--whether necessary or not, voluntary or otherwise--to show affection of whatever level.

People say they are important but, frankly, I can do without them. I don't remember being enveloped by parental hugs when I was young. Kisses, praises, jokes and capital punishment, yes; hugs not so much. Growing up I never really thought about its positive effects. Or if it had any.

Are there different kinds of hugs?

I think so. But I'm not sure. If kisses have different kinds then, by analogy, hugs have them as well right?

Should I hug different people differently?

If it's up to me I won't hug anyone at all. But, to answer the question, yes I do think that a hug, being a socially accepted gesture of affection, should be dished out in varying degrees of intensity corresponding to the degree of closeness (physically or figuratively) of two people.

Should I put my arms over or under their arms? Or should one arm go over and one arm go under in a criss-cross pattern?

I've often wondered about this whenever I feel I cannot wiggle myself out of a hugging circumstance. Too bad for me, though, I wonder about these things while I'm about to hug someone and it's too late to go over the pros and cons in my mind. My mind completely shuts down and my body just waits for the other person to finish hugging me.

Does it depend on height?

I think it does. I can't just hug people who're way smaller/taller than I am without thinking of where my face (or any part of my body, for that matter) will end up during the hug. Ex. If I hug someone who's too tall then my face may end up in their chest or, god forbid, near their crotch area. Because if that happens, my mind would be too preoccupied about hygiene issues that I will not be able to focus on the hug and will myself to hug that person properly. Same thing goes for hugging someone who's way smaller than I am.

How should I hug a girl/boy that is taller than me?

See discussion above.

What’s the best way to avoid accidentally punching/hitting someone when going to hug them?

I've never actually punched someone while hugging or attempting to hug them but I've regularly bumped heads with the other person.

Can I hug from a seated position?

Yes I believe so. I've seen it done (quite effortlessly) on TV and in movies. But I've never really tried it since I'm too f*cked up just perfecting the basic etiquette of hugging someone while standing up I can't bring myself to think of doing it while sitting down.

Should I pat the other person’s back while hugging? Is that a weird thing to do?

As a general rule, I don't pat the other person's back while hugging. Exceptions: (1) When I feel that they need to be comforted or (2) When I feel that the hug is slowly getting awkwardly long and has to stop ASAP.

Should I rub/slide my hand on the person at all?

No. Definitely not. Unless, of course, you have something else in mind.

Should I close my eyes? (No, right?)

No. To close your eyes is equivalent to showing third parties (or those who're not part of the hug) that you like are savoring the hug. It's creepy.

Can I hug with just one arm?

I believe so, yes. But I always, if I can afford it, try not to extend any part of my body and just... let myself be engulfed in another person's hug. It's less complicated.

If a girl/boy knocks my hat off while hugging, should I get mad?

Most likely, he/she didn't do that on purpose so I think it's best to just laugh it off. Who knows, maybe some other time it would be you who would be knocking somebody else's hat and you would wish that they just laugh it off, too.

Is it weird to shake a girl’s/boy's hand?

No. I have done this (or give a tiny wave) to wiggle myself out of hugging someone. It's slightly awkward because it gives the other person the idea that you're not into hugs. But it's a useful tactic nonetheless.

Should I talk during the hug? Or is that a telltale sign of social anxiety/insecurity?

Talking during a hug is for me a no-no because it's weird and doing so means that the hug is taking longer than expected. If I hug someone, I just do it as quick as I can. I don't linger or prolong it because it will give my mind the time and opportunity to overthink. And more often than not, overthinking is never good for me...or my social skills.

After the hug, what’s up with an arm or shoulder squeeze? Why do I feel like an asshole when I do either of those things?

I've made hugging less complicated by doing nothing before, during or after the hug. I just let the other person do all the hugging. I just let myself be hugged not because I like it but because I will just f*ck things up or make things more awkward by doing something. So, no arm or shoulder squeeze for me.

If I have a gay male/female friend and I am a straight male/female, do I hug?

Yes. Gender equality.

Is it weird if I only feel like hugging people I’ve known for 10+ years?

No it's not. I've known my parents forever and my siblings a little less than that and I'm not really into hugging them all the time. Yes, my brothers hug me like crazy (sometimes I think they do it to spite me or make me feel awkward--they love doing that) but I still feel awkward. More so for people (huggers as I call them) who wants to hug me 10mins after meeting me. God.

Whenever I feel someone is expecting a hug from me, I do some other thing like pat them on the back, give them a high five, or make a joke to make them laugh.

At what point in a friendship/platonic relationship should hugging begin?

This is a tricky question that deserves another essay/article of its own.

If I fail to hug at the appropriate time in the relationship, will I never be able to hug that person?

Yes. This is very consistent with my "Moments" theory which goes something like this, there comes only one moment in two people's lives when they have to decide whether they want to be friends or something else. Once that moment passes and neither of them do nothing, there will be friends forever. Rarely does it happen that two people are given more than one moment. Applying this to hugs, once that moment passes and they don't hug or attempt to, they'll be no hugging between them forever. The line has been drawn, so to speak.

But I can always be wrong. Hugs, after all, are not my strong suit.

What does it mean when you have an attractive female/male friend who hugs everyone except for you?

Ha. I kind of do this. I try to, at least, not close my doors to the possibility of hugging everyone in the future (maybe when a loved one dies or when something insanely good happens and "congrats" would not suffice) but I absolutely do not hug (I have a memo to myself) the person I like. Why? Because I'm bad at hugging and I don't want the person I like to think of me as The Worst Hugger in the History of Hugs.

What does it mean when a girl/boy tells you you are a bad hugger in 6th grade?

That you need more practice?

What does it mean when a girl/boy tells you you are a bad hugger in college?

That you need to get laid?

What does it mean when a girl/boy says chidingly “you can give me a hug, I won’t bite” when you’re in graduate school?

In general, when people say something and follows it with a "I won't bite" and you're mature enough to know the phrase's other connotations, it's safe to assume that some flirting is going on. But, again, I can be wrong.

Is my hugging ability in any way an indication of my ability in other forms of intimacy?

Maybe.

Why didn’t I hug my mom that one time she was crying in the elevator as we were leaving her dementia’d mom in a nursing home in Georgia?

If there's anything in this world that I can stand and gladly welcome, it is my mother's hugs. They're the warmest, least awkward hugs in this world. The best kind there is.

What does it mean when an attractive girl/boy who has a boyfriend/girlfriend hugs you in really cool and unexpected ways… almost goes out of her way to hug you? How should that be interpreted?

If you are someone who really suck at hugs, like me, then maybe she/he is just lonely. She/he needs a hug so bad she/he is willing to hug a hugger like you. If you're really good at it, then maybe, she/he can't get enough of your hugs. But, again, I shouldn't be trusted with reading into things because I am an overthinker and most often than not I got it wrong. Ha.

What if you’ve read several eHow/wikiHow articles re: “How to Hug” and you really, really can’t see yourself doing what they say?

Develop your own rules. Find out what works for you (and what doesn't), and make rules. Keep it simple and easy to remember so as to not confuse yourself whenever you panic when the possibility of hugging someone is imminent or inevitable.

Of course all of these rules are only necessary to remember if you are an over-thinker and a socially awkward individual who thinks words, not actions, are safer (read: less complicated) tools for conveying a wide array of feelings/moods. Like me.

Monday, September 3, 2012

Common Themes and Things in Glee's Season 1 and Season 3

Glee's writing was at its best and most cohesive in season 1. Somewhere between the screams of gazillion gleeks worldwide, numerous chart-topping singles and the Glee concert tour, the story was lost and forgotten. Season 2 became an avenue where songs defined the story lines when it should've been the other way around. The writers made an effort to make things click in Season 3 by going back to the basics. Unfortunately they did so by rehashing the story lines, details and, for some, even the wardrobe, from season 1. It was so obvious I couldn't help but notice.


Beth. She was born in season 1, was completely forgotten in season 2 but took centerstage in season 3. Her cuteness even fueled Quinn's Crazy Mommy phase.

Beth

and on a related note...

Quinn loses everything... again. In season 1, she lost Cheerios captain-ship and the coolness that went with it when she got pregnant. In season 3, she loses it twice. For the first part of the season, she went into an I-will-get-back-Beth-from-Shelby frenzy and for the second part, she tried to get over the probability that she may forever be a cripple.

I liked Punk!Quinn better.

The Unholy Trinity. In season 1, Brittany and Santana helped Quinn with her audition by singing "Say A Little Prayer". In season 3, Santana and Brittany tried to talk Quinn out of her Skank-ness in the first episode, and before they perform at Nationals they gather to share a moment.

The Unholy Trinity. Starting together. Ending together.
Just the way it should be.

which reminds me...

Santana and Brittany also danced back-up for Mercedes as she sang Disco Inferno in "Saturday Night Glee-ver".

Mercedes Inferno!

Sue's Minions. In season 1, Coach Sue instructs Quinn to join/ruin-from-within New Directions while in season 3, she gives the same instructions to Santana. 

Sue and Santana

Kurtanny. Brittany became Kurt's beard to help him get close to his dad in season 1. Brittany helped him conceptualize his "Unicorn" campaign posters when he ran for senior class president in season 3--although she ended up running (and eventually winning) against him.

Unicorns unite!

Porcelain (Kurt) and Wheezy (Mercedes) talk to Coach Sue a lot. In season 1 it was all about joining the Cheerios. In season 3, their meetings gave birth to Unique.

Porcelain and Wheezy

on a related note,

Remember the time when Mercedes had a crush on Kurt in season 1? In season 3 their union has (finally!) given birth to an actual person, Unique!

Kurt coming out to Mercedes was one of the most heartwarming scenes in Glee's three-year run

Mercedes vs. Rachel. Mercedes asserts entitlement to the solos which results in: (a) she joins the Cheerios (season 1) but quits eventually, and (b) she joins the Troubletones (season 3), bringing Brittana with her, but also re-joins the glee club when they lose Sectionals.

on a related note,

Mercedes' Cheerios uniform makes a comeback in season 3--although it was only in Tina's body-swapping dream.


The guys sing about Mercedes. In season 1, it was Puck going gaga over Mercedes. In season 3 it was Sam. How lucky she is.



The Changs. They were "born" in season 1 and matured in season 3--with Artie staying the same althroughout.

from tap dancing to duets, Tike got it covered

Vampire Tina. In season 1, Tina uses her vampire-ish abilities to scare and stop Principal Figgins from interfering with the way she dresses. In season 3, Principal Figgins alludes to Tina's vampire-ish ways while talking to Mr. Mike Chang Sr. This time Tina used it to excuse herself from gym class.

Vampire Tina is something I expected from Community not Glee.
But I am amused nonetheless.

Mr. Schue's Manipulative Ways. In season 1, he manipulates blackmails Finn to join New Directions. In season 3, he manipulates (and Mercedes calls him on it) the disco dance-off to force Finn, Santana and Mercedes to think about life decisions after high school.

Scheming Schuester

Virgin monologues? Rachel asks the girls about losing her virginity first to Jesse (in season 1) and to Finn (in season 3).

Rachel and her girls. Notably absent in the season 3 "meeting" is Mercedes. 

Adopt-A-Glee-Kid. In season 1 Mercedes welcomes Quinn into her home after she gets kicked out by her mom and gets tired of Puck's family. In season 3, Sam bunked at the Hummel-Hudson household while he finishes his junior year at McKinley.


Brittana Bombshell. In season 1, Brittany nonchalantly mentions that if sex was dating, she and Santana would be dating. Hence, Brittana was born. In season 3, Brittany, in an effort to make Santana famous (or make her realize that fame is a double-edged sword) puts their sex tape on YouTube, interlacing it with Lord Tubbington doing household chores. Hence, the hashtag #brittanasextape trended worldwide on Twitter just minutes after it was mentioned on the show.

from dating to a sex tape, Brittana got it covered

West Side Story Wars. In season 1, it was Tina versus Rachel for the lead song role of Maria while in season 3, it was Rachel (of course) and Mercedes. Tina folds while Mercedes quits the glee club. I wonder why the season 1 Rachel vs. Tina wasn't mentioned in season 3 when they decided to do West Side Story again.

Mr. Schue chooses Tina to sing Tonight over Rachel. And Mercedes is a Jet.

Sectionals Disqualification. In season 1, Mr. Schuester was disqualified from Sectionals because he slept in one of the mattresses that the club received for doing a TV commercial ad. In season 3, it was Rachel's turn to get DQ-ed for cheating on the class presidential elections to make Kurt win.

Grounds for DQ: Vote rigging and mattress sleeping

Gleeks Protecting Their Own. In season 1, the glee kids went up against Jesse for egging Rachel while in season 3, they all went up against Sebastian for slushing Blaine and hurting his eye.


Even the perfomances were repeated...

I Kissed A Girl makes a comeback. In season 1, Tina's edgy rendition of the song got her into New Directions. Ok fine, everyone who tried out got in... except Becky Jackson. In season 3, the song was used (ironically, I think) to celebrate Santana's acceptance of the fact that Finn outed her.

Single Ladies also makes a comeback. Tina and Brittany joins Burt Hummel in the season 3 performance as a graduation present to Kurt. I wonder why the ladies had to wear some sort of flimsy skirt/cover-up in 2012. Did they get more conservative or did they put on weight? Hehe

Burt Hummel: Best. Dad. Ever.

Sit Down You're Rocking the Boat makes a comeback, too. All 5 original members perform the song to show how far they've gotten. In Artie's words... "from the ghetto to the penthouse. National champs, baby."


Little details were also re-used, whether conscious or not.

Brittana holding hands while waiting for the winners of Regionals to be announced. See, the parallelism is evident, even in the tiniest of details.

Or maybe Brittana always held hands.

Regionals, black and gold. In both season 1's and 3's regionals competitions, the New Directions wore an ensemble of black and gold. I think that if Blaine did not transfer to McKinley in season 3, the boys wouldn't be wearing bowties instead of neckties.

gold = victory

Bullet-proof case in the choir room. It was built by Sue's shop class in Season 1 to house the Cheerios' 2010 Nationals trophy. In Season 3, it was used to house the New Directions' 2012 Nationals trophy. Reversal of fortunes: New Directions were National champs in 2012 while the Cheerios lost theirs.

"How the mighty have fallen."

Lights. In season 1, the lights spelled Kurt's name. In season 3, it spelled Mercedes'.

Altho, upon closer inspection, I think the lights were different. Kurt's was more similar to ones they used in the "Michael" episode.

Kurt's spider pin. Kurt wore it in his Defying Gravity performance in the episode "Wheels" in season 1, and in his graduation in the the season 3 episode, "Goodbye".

Only Kurt Hummel can pull off a spider pin without looking tacky.



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You may want to see my other posts about Glee (yes there are a lot!!!):

Quintet 3: GLEE-king Out
Things I Missed From Glee's Season 1 (Part 1)
Things I Missed From Glee's Season 1 (Part 2)
Things I Missed From Glee's Season 1 (Part 3)
McKinley High School in a Decade
15 Glee Club Truths
Final(e) Thoughts: GLEE-duation
Who Wore It Better: Kurt vs Santana
Kurt's 27 (Head) Dresses [Updated]
Glee "Mysteries": Mike, Quinn and Mercedes
How Sue Sees It